May 2012
17 posts
Published in the Richmond Times Dispatch!
In case you missed last Saturday’s paper, or live outside of Richmond, or have done away with the antique altogether, here is the online version:
http://www2.timesdispatch.com/lifestyles/2012/may/26/tdmet01-faith-and-values-ar-1943944/
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Welcome Summer
No post today, but can’t let the opportunity pass to pay respects and offer humble appreciation for those who have given their lives for the freedoms I so frequently take for granted. I hope you have a great holiday. Welcome summer!
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Pretty Amazing
I often write about the cultural pressures on today’s family, specifically the idol of perfection that is crippling mothers, causing them to doubt themselves, unnecessarily burden their children, and destroy family life. Most of the moms I talk to are, in a word, exhausted. As they should be. Perfection does not now nor will it ever exist in this world. Never. And the pursuit of the...
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Pleasantly Surprised
Sometimes we are surprised at just how capable our kids really are. Here is a great story of a mom who got “out of the way” of her child’s ability.
http://thepioneerwoman.com/homeschooling/2012/05/in-defense-of-kids-who-do-housework/
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Handy Suggestions
Even though I am an empty nester, I hope I never get too old to appreciate the advantages offered by new tools for family life. These are handy suggestions, for any size family!
http://www.4kidsormore.com/2012/03/3-more-must-have-kitchen-tools-for-4kids-families/#more-1632
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Mom Enough
No doubt you have heard, read or seen the latest firestorm of media backlash over the cover of Time Magazine and the practice of Attachment Parenting. On the cover of the magazine is a young (and beautiful) mom nursing an almost four year old boy and the words Are You Mom Enough? I probably need say no more than that. Even if you know nothing of the article and never read Time Magazine, you can...
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Entitlement
It is prom season for high school kids, which in today’s culture means pull out your checkbook. And like so many childhood events in today’s culture, the prom and the dinner before the prom and the dresses and the tuxedo rentals and the flowers and the hair and makeup appointments and the pictures and the limousines and the after-prom parties and the breakfasts have spiraled far past their...
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Birthday Party Ideas
In a culture of excess and indulgence, some of these birthday party ideas are a refreshing change and are easy to do, inexpensive to produce, and best of all, make the party giver look creative and inventive!
http://www.dailycandy.com/everywhere/flipbook/124877/DIY-Birthday-Decorations
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Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Don’t sweat the small stuff? Less fretting? Less hovering? Less stress? I’m all for it. Below are the solutions that some moms found helpful. No one size fits all, so determine what works for you, what you can let go of, what brings more peace to the day and do it!
http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/01/11477363-these-moms-dont-sweat-the-small-stuff
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Rock-A-Bye Baby
A good friend was out of town and asked me to drop by her house and unlock her back door for the lawn care company coming that day. So, as requested, I did just that. On my way to work, I stopped by and unlocked the back door which opens into her laundry room. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. To anyone else all that was in there was a washer and a dryer, a trashcan, a table and a small rocking...
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The Hand that Rocks the Cradle
I had a great mom. She passed away three years ago, and though she is no longer with me physically, she continues to live in my heart and mind and the work of her hands is highly evident in the lives of my brother and me. She was not flawless, but the quiet strength of her character and her inner confidence were the foundations of my being. I offer today the eulogy I shared at her funeral in...
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Parents Can Say No
Thank Goodness!
So proud of these parents who are able to say no to their toddler. Fun Story:
http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/27/11428418-crying-baseball-tots-mom-he-doesnt-get-everything-all-the-time?ocid=twitter
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A World of Hurt
I saw a YouTube video yesterday of a child having a tantrum. No joke. A father recorded his child’s tantrum with his running conversation with her during the tantrum. I’m not sure of the point of his recording and I am less sure why he posted it on YouTube, but I am most unsure at the father’s response. He talked to his daughter in a sing song voice, as if it was Christmas morning, while she...
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Then and Now
If you are old enough, you will be familiar with the question, if you could go back and do it all again, what would you do differently? The question can be a dangerous one as it has the potential to send you into a downward spiral of regret. None of us can go back. What is in the past is in the past and cannot be undone. But there is no one who looks back without any remorse, so I think the...
Let Them Play!
Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, boys gotta play!
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Today's Mom
An interesting read for today’s mom and well worth its length. Again and again and again I am re-affirmed that it is who we are that raises our children, not what we do.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/24/elisabeth-badinter-the-conflict_n_1447675.html?ref=topbar&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000008
April 2012
9 posts
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Love and Discipline
We do so much in this culture for the good of our children, and yet we fail to do the one thing that will accomplish the most good. We fail to discipline them. It is much akin to planting a garden, using the best soil and fertilizer and seed, and then never watering it. Without the water of discipline, the best of intentions and opportunities will fail to produce the seed of potential buried in...
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Of Apples and Apple Trees
On Monday on The Today Show, Matt Lauer interviewed Hugh Grant, who was there promoting his upcoming movie release. In the course of the interview, the two discussed Grant’s new baby and first child and the role of fatherhood. Matt asked Grant about his very public opinion of the giving of money to children and his desire to provide, but not indulge. Grant said, Money is demotivating to...
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Table Manners for the Very Young. →
Looking for some simple ideas for instilling table manners in the very young? Read Charity Curley Mathews suggestions in this Huffington Blog post. A good read.
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Re-Focus
If the counselors and professors refer to the currently enrolled college students as “teacups” because of their inability to handle any life challenge facing them, what in the world will they say about the currently enrolled kindergarteners? How will the currently enrolled elementary students face simple disappointments? What will the currently enrolled middle and high school students do with...
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Past, Present, and Future
I love the twenty-somethings. I wrote a post last Thursday entitled Live Well. This post was dedicated to the wonderful kids (hey, they are kids to me!) that are in my life. I have children in their twenties, and those children extend beyond the four to whom I gave birth. I have said it before and I will say it again. They are a pleasure to me – my own and the adopted ones. They bring with...
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Consequences
Discipline might well prove to be the child crises of our age. And interestingly enough, the more affluent the parents, the bigger the crises seems to be. Somewhere along the way, parents have lost their confidence. Somewhere in the gap between the generations is the lost art of parental leadership. Somewhere missing in the family paradigm is the notion that the adults hold the authority. In...
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Live Well
I love Dennis the Menace and I love my twenty-somethings and as funny as I think this cartoon is, please don’t let that be you. Please. You guys are better than that. You have grown up in a culture that has offered you many advantages – don’t let those advantages be your downfall. Rise above them. See beyond today and yourself and realize there is more to life than you and what you want and...
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One Dozen Brown Eggs
Today I offer you an Easter story and a fun memory from my early days as a young mom. As I have said before, I was fortunate enough to raise my children in a Leave it to Beaver neighborhood, complete with tons of kids, beautiful tree lined streets and sidewalks in front of our houses. It was idyllic, and I am grateful to have had the privilege and good fortune to have lived there. I look back...
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Falling Down
Recently I asked some of my twenty-something friends if they would write a couple of sentences for me describing their first year out of college. I wanted to hear from their perspective what it was like to leave college and enter the “real” world. Much has been written and said about Generation Me, but I wanted to know first-hand about their experience. Did they feel prepared? Were they ready...
March 2012
10 posts
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Common Sense
On Monday I shared with you the results of a 10 year study of the middle-class family in the United States. If you have not read it, I hope you will make the time to go back and read, as their findings find the American family in a not so great place. The article uses adjectives to describe our kids like dependent, helpless, self-centered, demanding and oblivious. And most ironic of all, the...
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A Field Guide
Today I bring you not my words, but the words of another. And these are the words of not just a writer, but a researcher as well. These words are not opinion, but the result of intentional study. These words ask the significant question of why do American children depend on their parents to do things for them that they are capable of doing for themselves and they offer answers that speak truth...
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Picture of a New Generation
A good friend sent me the picture above, and if a picture is worth a thousand words, then I must admit it inspired a thousand words in me. Adorable!
So for all you twenty-somethings out there who think that the Generation Gap is something that happens to other people, take a good long look at the picture above. I will venture a guess that when you were a youngster, experiencing the trials and...
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Of Babies and Bathwater
I was with a few of my twenty-something friends this week, which is always a pleasure for me, and one made the comment that she felt like people looked at her generation with little in the way of admiration and much in the way of disdain. She had just completed a project and the older adult with whom she had worked complemented her on her work ethic, as if it was far more than what had been...
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Broken
Moms are so hard on each other. In fact, women in general are hard on each other. In the age of perfectionism, comparison and its constant companion, insecurity, run rampant. It is truly a shame, because we need each other. We need to support each other. We need the community of humanity. We were made for it, and yet we unconsciously undermine it with uncanny consistency.
I wasted much of...
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Timeless
We observed one of the rituals of spring this past weekend. We moved from Standard Time to Daylight Savings Time. That wonderful time of year when the days begin to get longer, the evening light lingers later, and the promise of no coats and hats and mittens and boots is in the air. We do have to lose a precious hour of sleep, but no matter. We will get it back in the fall! And as I changed...
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The Hook
I hate the current cultural climate that has parents drowning in their desire to keep up, in desperate fear that they and their kids not be left out. I hate our culture that lies to susceptible moms and dads, keeping them in servitude to a false paradigm, robbing them of their own authority. I hate the culture that promotes self-esteem and self-centeredness in the pursuit of success, all the...
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A Good Thought for your Wednesday
A good thought for your Wednesday, lifted shamelessly out of Felicity Huffman’s blog, What Would A Good Mother Do?
“What’s the matter with me? What have I done wrong? Why can’t I be a good mother?” My sister, one of the wisest people I know, gave me the straight scoop. Any damage I would inflict by trying to be a “good mother” far, far outweighed any damage I would do by just being...
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A Few Good Men
For good or ill (and maybe a little of both), we find ourselves in a presidential election year. One of the features of a candidate that appears highly desirable and highly valued, regardless of party affiliation, is his “relatability.” How well a candidate connects to his constituents seems very consistent with his electability. In other words, if we the people like him, if he seems like...
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The Dignity of Hardwork
I love the movies. I took every college class offered on the history of the cinema. A movie theatre is an introvert’s ideal escape, a room full of people, a shared experience, community without talking. The person sitting next to you can be a date, a spouse, a friend, a relative, or a total stranger – same rules apply for all. Silence. Sit back and be entertained, or challenged, or thoughtful,...
February 2012
9 posts
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Small Steps
I was with a parent who told me that there were lots of parents out there who wanted out of the cultural “system,” but they just weren’t sure how to do it. Change is always hard, no doubt. There is something in human nature that resists it. When the ship is headed in one direction, even if the direction is wrong and taking the passengers to a place where they do not want to go, turning the ship...
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Vive la France!
Two days after I wrote Monday’s post A Better Way, I saw the following segment on The Today Show, with the same author, Pamela Druckerman, sharing her experiences living in France. If you live in Richmond, Virginia, you probably heard me that morning clapping and cheering her on. Finally, finally, finally, we have visible evidence of a better way, and not with just one child, but with a majority...
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A Better Way
I write frequently and furiously about the American parenting culture. I feel anxious every time I watch a family give in to the whims of their children. I feel sad every time I hear a parent say that he “is glad it’s Monday and he is back at work.” I just kills me the way American parents say that being a parent is the hardest job they have ever had, and treat it as if it is something to be...
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You Deserve More
A recent news report/survey stated that 96% of today’s moms feel that they are more stressed than their mothers had been. I think that is pretty accurate. And unfortunate. Do you ever stop and wonder how is it that we live in the information age, with advanced technology, instant communication and improved and enhanced merchandise to make life and mothering as easy as possible, and yet stress...
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Where are the Grown-Ups?
Have you seen the commercial advertising a car that can be started from a distance with a remote? It features two men standing looking at the car and one of the guys calls his wife and asks her to start the car again. The wife, boarding a plane, tells her husband Yes, but this is the last time. So she presses the remote button and the car starts, much to the delight of the two men watching it...
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Happy Birthday
Kindness is a lost art in a world that is often rushed, rude, and too busy for the concerns of others.
- Kelly Minter
I recently read the words above and was struck by their sad truth. Unfortunate truth. Disappointing truth. For all of our technology and media and advancements, these are tough times for raising a family – for both parent and child. We don’t have time for kindness anymore. ...
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The Be Mine Ball!
I am excited to be supporting PCAV at the Be Mine Ball this weekend at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts!
The Be Mine Ball is a fundraising event supporting Prevent Child Abuse Virginia (PCAV). The Ball will take place at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts and will be a night of dinner, dancing and fun! PCAV provides services to our local Richmond community that help prevent child abuse and neglect....
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That's Not Fair
I was listening to Andy Stanley this morning, one of my favorites, and he shared a story concerning a trip he made to China. He was with a group and someone from China recognized him and asked if he was who she thought, and when he replied yes, she asked why does everyone in America not go to church? The Chinese do not enjoy the religious freedom that we do in this country and to attend any kind...
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Adjective vs. Noun
Did you hear the latest “disability” finding? People who write with their left hand are the most recent to be added to the list of those who are predisposed to something bad, who work at a disadvantage, who got dealt an unfair hand in life (no pun intended). According to the research, some scientists consider it a mild birth defect or syndrome, with research supporting that lefties are more...
January 2012
9 posts
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Child's Play
I am a big believer in play. So much so, it was the topic of my very first blog post, The Lost Art of Play, and the first piece I have had published. Kids were made to play and if you ever have the opportunity to watch them deep into it, you will observe a lot of concentration, a lot of negotiating, a lot of imagination, a lot of thinking, sometimes a lot of arguing, and almost always a lot of...
Man's Best Friend
A reader sent me the following pictures and they were just too fun not to pass on to you. For those who are not animal lovers, this may not bring as big a smile to your face as it did to mine! And I could write about how a pet brings added life and joy (and mess) to a home, how a pet can teach responsibility to kids, how a pet can also be a great friend and companion, but I will let the pictures...
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Is That All?
Following the Christmas holidays, Today’s Moms ran a survey and the title of the resulting article was this:
Yes we Spoil our Kids: 6,000 Moms Come Clean.
I found several things striking, although none of it was too surprising. First, the number 6,000 is striking. 6,000 is an impressive number. And I suspect that there are many more than 6,000 choosing to stay silent on the matter. The other...
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Gone Soft
I hate to admit it, but we have become a wimpy people, and I put myself at the head of the list. Not all of us, but too many of us. We whine, we complain, frankly, many of us are shocked when things don’t go our way. And much of what we whine, and complain and are shocked by is situations or circumstances that really do not warant whining and complaining and shock. We have grown soft as a...
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